you have to choose: penises or morals?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
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