My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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