totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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