getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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