All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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