So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
