We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
