Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
