I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him