you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E