She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.