You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.