I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize