Whod you bang
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm passing your future prison.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
