Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
