it's too hot outside to masturbate.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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