who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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