Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize