i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
