White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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