I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
