There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
someone owes me an orgasm
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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