also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
