Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You may now shotgun with the bride
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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