I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
