he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
