There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
