some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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