last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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