Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
