omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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