Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize