sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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