At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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