I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
