Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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