My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
