I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
