no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
