Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
