Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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