then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
