he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
