I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
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Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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