Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
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Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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