i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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