Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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