You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
