you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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