Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
