Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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