i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
