just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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