Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once