she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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