I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
