so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
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So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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