When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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