dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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