I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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