I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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