her vagina looked like bernie madoff
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
