Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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