They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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