He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
